Until he met her
by Kuroh Hana
Summary: When he touched her hand, when their fingers met, he knew right there and then...what he felt for Kourin...it was none other than love.


**Konnichiwa, minna-san! Happy new year to everyone! Anyways, here's a fan fic I thought of and only managed to type today! It's another Saiunkoku monogatari fic, and I'm not expecting many likes or reviews for it, but oh well, I love this pairing, and that's really all that matters!**

**Still though, enjoy! And, I do not own!**

**~~~~=w=~~~~**

Eigetsu To had rarely experienced that mysterious thing people called love. Not when he was a kid, and certainly not when he was nearly killed by his parents for food. Nope, to him love was rare, and all the more precious.

He'd never truly learned how important and valuable love was, really.

Until he'd met her. The love of his life, Kourin.

But he didn't know it immediately. No. But he knew he felt something, just not what. It took him a while, and to this day, he'd almost kicked himself senseless, thinking, what if he'd been too late to tell her, let alone realize it?

Meeting her was a fateful moment. Yes, even as a man of science, he believed fate had brought them together. And fate had come in the form of Shuurei Kou, his co-governor at the time.

He'd heard of Kourin from Ensei-san and Shuurei-san's conversations, but he had only met her during their trip going to Koren, Sa province's capital. To think, if Shuurei hadn't allowed her to come along, he might never have met his soulmate!

When he'd first seen her, he had to admit, she was breathtaking. Beautiful, charming, and demure, she was, indeed, more ladylike than Shuurei-san. Her smile alone made his heart flutter, even now, when he'd grown so used to waking up to it every morning.

Of course, back then he hadn't noticed his feelings for her. He had, in all honesty, no time for it, since he was too busy with the whole matter of taking up office.

He remembered that time when she'd helped them – he and Ensei – out of a pinch with her flawless acting. He hadn't really enjoyed the scolding he got from her afterwards, but in gratitude he couldn't help but just sit there, smile and apologize.

He'd also noticed her slightly flushed cheeks – before anyone else did. Worried for her, he gave her some of his medicine with the hopes of her getting well soon. When she was resting, the others had asked him how he'd noticed so quickly, but he wasn't going to tell them that it was because he'd been too busy staring at her face that he noticed her tired expression, the unusual flush her cheeks had; that he'd been paying too much attention to her normal actions that the minute she exhaled tiredly, he knew something was wrong. What would they think of him? It was far too embarrassing.

Of course, he'd told her later on, one evening when they were having dinner and she had brought it up. She blushed madly, and for a second he thought she had come down with a fever again before he recalled that he was capable of making her turn red like that.

Later on, when they were abducted and she pretended to be Shuurei, she'd awed him again with her intellect, and her guts. He'd gotten to know her then, gotten used to her unique personality, to her feisty and daring attitude and caring heart. He'd admired her determination to help Shuurei at all costs, and the expression she had on at that moment was so adorable that he couldn't help commenting on it. It just slipped. He hadn't regretted saying it though, since he was rewarded with that reaction of hers.

More on her personality, he was surprised by her ever-changing mood; one minute she was sweet to him and another she'd be hitting him with a teapot.

Not to mention that time she made steamed buns for everyone. To this day, he had no idea as to what the chestnut gesture meant, and Kourin refused to answer him about it.

**(A/N. Oh yes, minna, I really don't know what that means, and I'm dying to know. Please, please tell me! Arigatou!)**

As the days grew by and he spent more and more time with her, the more that feeling in his heart surfaced. He still had no idea what it was. And to be honest, he still wasn't ready to find out. He then had more important things to take care of, especially since Dousho-sama had died only a few days before. And then the whole incident with the Sekie Village rose.

He hadn't expected to find the answer so soon before he'd planned to leave. But apparently, it had to happen.

One evening Kourin had come in to give him a cup of tea, and told him to rest for a while. He thanked her and reached for the tea, at around the same time she was going to take her hand away from it.

Now, he'd never really known what he felt for Kourin, but at that moment, he knew. When their hands had met; when his rough, slightly calloused fingers met her soft and delicate ones – which amazed him since she'd done so much work – he knew. He was, indeed, in love with Kourin.

And that made doing what he was supposed to do hurt even more than planned.

That night, when he planned to leave without telling anyone, he'd found himself almost wishing Kourin wouldn't come, but he knew she would. He just knew.

And that she did. Of course, he'd been expecting that she'd say hurtful things, since she too was getting hurt, but her last words, "I hate you!" really stung. He grabbed her wrist and embraced her. He forced himself to ignore her pleas of "Don't go, please!" It was the most difficult thing he had to do.

Until he realized saying goodbye would hurt a billion times more. At least, before he left, he got a figment of Kourin's feelings for him, that she didn't want Yougetsu-sama, but him. That gave him a shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, she loved him back.

He told her he loved her. He knew he needn't add the last part, because a little part of him _didn't_ want her to forget about him, _didn't_ want her to find happiness if he wasn't the one giving it to her, like she did to him. He kissed her before he left. It took all of his willpower not to take her along, but he managed.

He'd never thought he'd see her again, that that kiss was their first and last. He never expected to see her again so soon before he died, at least, not in real life. He knew he might have illusions of her, it wasn't abnormal to see the one you love the most before you died, right? But he did. And, it was stupid of him, but he had sent her away. He kept on reasoning that it was for her own good and that it was to protect her, but still, he knew, if they'd been in each other's shoes that time he would've done the exact same thing Kourin wanted to do.

He hadn't expected that he'd get a kiss from her, and to that he was – and still is – eternally grateful. After all, he still couldn't believe he was so loved.

When he'd died, he heard from Yougetsu that Kourin refused to wake up, that she refused to keep living. He had no idea he had that big of an effect on her. His shred of hope just got bigger.

And, when Yougetsu decided to give him more life, he knew, he would spend every last second of it beside Kourin, regardless of whether she loved him back or not. Being with her was enough for him.

He needn't wait much, though, since soon after, she'd confessed to him that she loved him back, and that it was something she had said a little too late, just after he had died. He smiled and wrapped her up in his arms when she began rambling on. "You're so mean, Eigetsu-sama! Dying before I managed to tell you I love you!" she'd began to cry, and he kissed her to stop it, since he hated making her cry. "I love you." He whispered. "Me too." She replied. He kissed her again. Soon, they promised to each other that when they were old enough, they would get married.

And on this very night, shortly after they were old enough and happily-wed, he lay in bed, thinking about all of this, when Kourin, who'd been sleeping peacefully beside him, awoke in tears, calling his name.

"Eigetsu-sama! Eigetsu-sama!" she sat up, blindly searching for her husband. Worried, he held her up by the shoulders, trying to get her to calm down.

"Kourin! What is it? What's wrong?" he asked. She looked up at him, tear-streaked and absolutely beautiful, especially in the moonlight.

"Eigetsu-sama! I had a horrible dream!" she said, crying, head buried in his chest. "I had dreamt that you disappeared again, without saying a word!" she cried again.

"Kourin…" he said, embracing his wife. "I'm right here. I'll never leave, or disappear from your side, ever again."

"You promise?" she sniffled.

He nodded. She kept on crying, and Eigetsu wanted so badly to comfort her. He kissed her, and she kissed back. Her hands looped around his neck, while his rested on her waist. They kept on kissing, and kissing, and kissing. And he found it harder and harder to control himself.

Then he remembered that one time a couple of years ago, when he'd walked in on her. She had just come out of the bath and was fully naked. He stared at her for a full minute until both recovered from the initial shock. She screamed and covered herself up, while Eigetsu struggled to look away.

From that moment on, Kourin's naked image burned itself in his mind and was stuck there forever. He couldn't help it, he was a guy after all. A teenage one, at that. He almost lost control and wanted to have her right there and then, but he knew he shouldn't, not until the right time.

He apologized soon after, of course. Kourin forgave him. He knew it wasn't the right time to do what he wanted to do, and that he would have to wait.

And tonight was the perfectly right time. He pushed her down onto the bed, lying on top of her.

"Eigetsu-sama…"

He looked at her. "Kourin." He took her hand with his and kissed her again. "I'll make this as painless as possible, but it'll hurt, okay. I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes. "Okay. I trust you, Eigetsu-sama."

Clothes came off, kisses were exchanged and bodies were touched. Then they became, finally, one, connected.

When he awoke the next morning, arms around his wife and her head on his chest, he was on top of the world. Seeing her sleepy eyes flutter open, her lips curl into a smile when she saw him, it was the best view in the world.

"Ohayou." She said, giving him a kiss before standing up to collect the clothes they had scattered on the floor.

She grabbed her robe and threw it on hastily, her hair still untied and falling down to her waist. He stared at her, and she noticed.

"What is it, Eigetsu-sama?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking." He stood up to get a robe as well.

"Really? About what?"

He moved closer to her and hugged her. "About how much I love you."

"Eigetsu-sama…"

It was true. He definitely was overflowing with love for her, and he felt like he couldn't show it to her enough. But that didn't matter. He had their whole lives to keep doing so.

**~~~~=w=~~~~**

**Okay, that's the end! Hope you enjoyed it! Please, review! Thanks!**


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